#451.
I sit down wanting to do one of those optimistic posts I don't seem to be doing too often anymore. I hope this is just a phase and it will all be over soon and I won't feel like sleeping for an eternity for too long. Or maybe it's just stress. Yeah, that's right. I'll pin everything down on stress, because none of this is me, none of this is my concious self wanting to start something because maybe for a moment I was happy.

I'm scared, you know that? I'm so scared of life, and the future and just all of it. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to have to experience a sense of loss that I've thankfully never been made to feel before, and I won't be able to deal with it. I'm scared of failing, of being a failure. I'm scared that you'll still dictate me after I'm supposedly free of your binding rules and discerning lectures. Maybe I'm just scared I won't be free enough. Or that I'll be so free I'll fuck everything up for myself.

Oh I don't know. All I know is right now I'm pretty fucking sleepy and I'd give a lot for your arms to be my safe haven. Good night.


Has little to do with anything, but it's pretty, I guess.

Labels: Another cloud-ey image.

#402.
Heads up, this is going to be an epicly long post. Three days worth of blogging, and I saw Herms today, I always feel the need to blog a million words when I see him.

I don't quite recall what happened on Wedmesday. Oh, right, M came over after school because we were supposed to go shopping at highpoint for the Autumn Sales. But on Wednesday night, I checked to see how VIP these sales were going to be and the verdict was, not that important.
So she came over instead and we just hung out. We had Nandos (which I have been overdosing on lately) and went back to my house to look at weird stuff on oddee for a few hours. It was a nice day, I guess.


Okay yesterday, Friday. School seemed so slow, and I kept using the excuse 'it's a Friday' to get out of being lazy and stupid and just whatever. Band practise was lovely, because Ms E (who by the way is royally anal) decided to duck out for most of it. Thumbs up.
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Labels: Another cloud-ey image.

#391.
Sunday night, reminiscing with an old friend. Talking about how we were never quite 'the cool' and how we should hang out soon, and music, and just everything and a lot of things. When you're free I swear I will drag you out.

Today was okay, lots of mixed emotions, morning was a drainer, up at eight and everything. Then a new girl came in at work, she's cool, pretty alright to work with. She likes to talk, and that's fine by me! Then she left, and Herms signed on. Then he left and A signed on, and we've been talking since then.
Today I was feeling a little bit err because you didn't seem so into talking to me and eveyrthing, then you offered to text me right up until you start work. Which I liked the sound of. Still felt a little err until you txted your last reply 'Lovee you' to which I usually reply 'Love you too,' but I didn't. And then you txted me while you were working asking if I got your last text (I didn't reply) because saying goodnight to me was the most important thing. I melted.


There's a few more things I could say but this post seems very wordy. Goodnight.

Labels: Another cloud-ey image.

Hello, this is Tien. This blog is the remains of the unconventional cliches and angsty phrases of my teenage years. (Plus a new one every now and then)
I ♥ Phoenix, (500) days of summer, double entendres, unmade beds, autumn, Chopin, syncopated melodies, G7 chords and things that make me feel.

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