oh, joy

Posted Monday, February 27, 2012 // 0 comments (+)

#517.
We all get those moments, right? Those moments when you feel really alone. Like all of a sudden everyone's decided to exclude you. To leave you be. Maybe it's because you've been acting strangely, trying to be different to who you are. Maybe it's because you haven't been spending enough time with them because you feel as if everything else you have is falling apart. Or maybe it's not all of us. Maybe it's just me.

Everything's been a bit upside down lately. I've been feeling a lot like I'm my own. That I have to look after myself, otherwise no one will. It's a strange kind of feeling. The weather's been totally gloomy today and maybe that's added a bit to my sense of emptiness. I feel as if the present holds nothing for me, and that if I want to be happy, I really have to work hard for myself.

Saturday was nice, though. Spent it with Hermie (like all my nice days are spent). Showed up at his place and we cuddled. I think he senses that everything's not okay because for the longest time he just held me. It was nice. Something about P-plates, me being a wife, lace and stolen glances.
I don't always understand myself but I feel like I need to tell all this stuff to someone. And because right now I feel like I don't really have anyone, you cop an ear full.

I really want to just go home, curl up and be warm and not have to worry. I'm a bit worried of having to worry. Worrying about family, about school work, about work, about the future, about the present, and about everything. Sometimes I think of the moments that would exist if everything were to just fade away.

I want to be eighteen so I can go strippers.
Happy fifteen months by the way, hun.
Disregard that strippers statement.
I love you.
I miss you.
More.