#553.

It's been exceptionally cold lately, and while I do love the cold and getting all huddled up and cosy underneath a heap of blankets, I am very unfortunately sick. Spent all day sniffing in and out of my classes.

Today was good actually. Woke up and made some bacon pancakes and watched some shows that I intended to catch up on. Got ready for class an drove to the station, and then after being unable to find parking decided to spontaneously drive to uni. Went to my classes and then headed down to Lygon St. with R and S with the intention of dinner, but ended up getting drinks (not the alcoholic kind, ha!).
Kind of strange that the two friends I've made this semester and seem to spend the most time with are trying to get with each other. 
Trying my hardest to not be a cock block.

Nothing to complain about, everything has been pretty close to status quo, nothing out of the ordinary. Pretty stable emotionally as well. I guess a consistent lifestyle makes for boring blog posts, huh.

Anyway, another time. Going to wallow in bed with a drippy nose now. Bye!

#552.

Hey I just finished my one and only midsem! Woo!

But now I"m just feeling incredibly tired (for no reason might I add), and pretty fucking lonely.
I guess these past couple days have really been thoughtful for me. In the sense that I've spent a lot of time deep in thought. Which can never lead to anything good. And it hasn't (surprise surprise).

As I said a couple posts ago, things have been progressing in a pretty stable manner, and from past experience, I will always find a way to fuck it up. Which I feel like I have. Been spending a lot of time thinking about how much effort this takes. Getting kind of upset at how it feels like you try so little. And how it feels like I'm the only one working at this and without effort on my behalf it kind of sinks.

I've done this before, I always do this. I break down into a huge mess and can't put myself together. It's always a question of how long it takes you to realise I'm hurt. Maybe hurt isn't the word for it.
Still waiting.

#551.
Hey, I did say I'd try to be around more often, didn't I?

So as of lately, I've been feeling a little disconnected. Not in a bad sort of way, or in any literal sense, just a bit distanced from where I used to be. If that makes any sense at all..
It's sort of a serene feeling, for lack of a better adjective. Difficult to tell whether it's due to the sudden arrival of wintery weather or an internal thing of sorts but it's definitely here to stay. At least for a little while.
I'm not sure how to describe it. My train of thought doesn't feel quite as linear as usual, but rather in a messy, cloudy kind of mass. Which is probably why this post seems a bit abstract, or cluttered or however you're describing it to yourself.

Today, picked H up from his home and went for some brunch. Enjoyed some berry pancakes and bacon which I could not finish for the life of me. Dropped him off at the station before heading home, having a quick but rare catch up with the bro's girlfrend and finally pounding out some study time for Thursday's mid-semester. After what seemed like an adequate amount of effort (but really probably wasn't), msged M with a lunch invitation and headed out to Seared, ate, and then shot some pirates and raced (very badly). Headed back to Herms' for a little catch up before home and study again.

I've been sleeping a lot. Not studying enough. Spending a lot of time thinking about things that really aren't worth thinking about.
Okay now I just feel like I'm word vomiting. (That's a phrase I haven't used in a while).
This perpetual tiredness is really getting a hold of me.
I'll sleep it off.

#550.
Hey there again.
What's new with me...

Well it's midsemester break at the moment, and I'm just wallowing in self pity lately (only when I'm alone) because I know I have so much work to do and can't find the motivation to do it. I get that it's the story of everyone's life, but just thought it'd be worth a mention.
Oh, got a car about two weeks ago, and I love it. I really feel like it gives me a sense of freedom and a means to do whatever I need to do whenever I need to do it (and by that I mean copiously excessive amounts of kebabs... Mmmm...) As well as really getting into cars and the car life, I'm also shamefully addicted to Animal Crossing. I don't know how ashamed I actually am, just because I had no problem broadcasting that.

What else, what else... Not much else I guess. Other than the usual disconcerting thoughts and moments where everything feels like just melting away, everything has been seeming pretty stable, pretty good and pretty constant. Which usually isn't the greatest sign of peace, but I'll take what I can get.

Better get up and get ready for brunch with M in Yarraville now. Today's going to be a good one. I hope. :-)

#549.
At the end of it all, I just want you to ask me what's wrong.
Then I'll spill my heart.
You will apologise and ask to see me.
We will eat yummy food and play games until bed time.

Still hurts though.

#548.
This may be a bit soon after a rare post but I want to do this to get my thoughts straight.
After yesterday nearly falling asleep at the wheel, I couldn't get to sleep after I arrived home because when I shut my eyes all I could think of was how horrible everything is and cry.

-EDIT-
I deleted this post because I read it again and it made me feel really really REALLY crummy. I'll know what was here though. It will still make me feel crummy.

#547.
A long awaited hello to you!

It's a Sunday today, (the 4th of January 2015!) and I can't help but think how unbelievable it is that yet another year has passed us by.
Yesterday I arrived back home after a six day five night trip down to Rosebud on the Mornington Peninsula (how crazy is it that I can drive and do this sort of stuff now) with T, M, A, P, R, A and for one day Z and D.

Just a quick recap of those couple days to document the trip.
Monday was our arrival. After running around all morning to pick up some last minute stuff and a maccas breakfast (which is always bomb) we set off. It was about a one and a half hour drive through the city and then on the peninsula highway - which was scary as hell cause of the insane wind and rain and just overall evil weather. But upon arrival, we unpacked and settled in. The rest of the afternoon was poker, card games and getting very very drunk whilst betting on 'horses'. I called it a night early at about 10 30 but I hear everyone stayed up (I kinda regret conking out but there's no way in hell I could have stayed up with them).

Tuesday we awoke late, at around eleven. Had a very disorganised breakfast where everyone kinda sorted themselves out, sat outside with A, Z and D while the others ducked out to the supermarket for milk and spent the 'morning' playing cards and messing about before saying goodbye to Z and D who headed off at around three-ish. Made some ribs for dinner with bangers and mash before all falling into food comas.

Wednesday morning monopoly ended not so well after everyone bailing, so we thought we ought to actually leave the house. On A's advice, we headed out to a national park. We drove out there and took a short walk to an opening onto the beach. We took photos, got waist deep in water, sculpted a kind of crossdressing mermaid and got sunburnt (P copped it worst, followed closely by myself and then A's slightly sunburnt neck). Back at home, we got ready to celebrate New Years with a bbq, Nachos and mi goreng by some mixed triple sec, vodka, moscato and white wine. After quietly ringing in 2015, and having some tea parties (hehe) we all crawled off to bed leaving a huge mess of plates for the morning.

Thursday morning we hung out, not hung over prior to deciding on a trip to Cape Schanck. A half an hour drive later and we were in the dusty mountaintops. After we all met up, we headed out onto the top for the photographer boys to get some shots before slowly making out way down to the base. There, we hopped rocks, took some photos and found a cave that we climbed into. After some exploration, we headed back up, forgetting how many stairs we actually climbed down and needed to climb back up! Back at home, we readied ourselves for a trip to the hot springs, and set off. At the door, we got stopped trying to get seven in when only six were booked, and aside from the packed hilltop pool, the rest of the hot springs were breathtaking and relaxing. Not to mention the lightness we felt sauna after hot spring after cold plunge. Definitely one to remember.

Friday was a definite scorcher of a last day. We had plans of going snorkeling but the weather pretty much said HELLS NO. So we stayed inside blasting the air conditioning and playing some more poker. Later on, we decided we might head down to the beach so with T's ankle giving him a hard time I decided to drive and we headed out. It was dark by the time we got out there but that didn't stop us from wading out into high tide, burying A into some sort of sand merman and doin' a bit of bonding. Back at home, we made a huge deep fry/oven dinner and watched some videos before calling it a night in order to be able to get up in time for check out.

Saturday morning I got up early and so did some of the others to do final cleaning before we checked out. After all the wiping and vacuuming and packing and general cleaning, we headed off regretfully. It was a really fun trip and I would definitely want to do it again. Despite the sunburn, horrible food habits and mental weather, it was all good in good company. Miss it already.

#546.
Hey I just thought I'd drop by and say hello to an old friend.
So I'm eighteen now and all the angst is behind me, supposedly. Maybe I'll give this another go?
I say that but I feel like a lot of the time I barely have enough time to do me let alone do me publicly, ya feel?
Well I'm really only here now due to the temporal time gap that I have spared myself in downloading some lectures I failed to attend.

Oops its nearly done. I'll swing by another time and talk about how unmotivated I feel then.
I miss having so much free time to do this in the past.
Things are going great, by the way.
But I'll save that for next time.

#541.
Sometimes I wonder if you ever get sick of my endless shit. I mean in the past there was reason behind it but now, doesn't it just seem like I'm being selfish?
I've always said that there's probably someone out there much better for you. One that much better caters to your needs and your lifestyle, and as much as I try to match her, I know unconsciously (or rather consciously at this stage) that I never will. I'm starting to worry about how things may change soon, and if you'll still want me. A lot of the time I feel really alone, despite the fact that I shouldn't. Maybe it's just me being a little bitch, but then again what if it really isn't? I don't wanna have to take it if I shouldn't have to. Selfishness gets the best of me sometimes, but maybe that's because I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. But how do I know I'm not..
Sometimes I feel like I make too much of an effort. Or too little.
Sometimes I feel like you're making more effort than you should. Or not enough.

I want to be angry and I want to be upset over this, but then I drown in a sea of guilt.
Where's my knight in shining armour?

#540.
I don't know why I kept it to myself. It wasn't really a big deal. Well it still isn't but I guess if it was big enough to make you upset then it's big. But is it really worth being upset over? There have been worse things. I mean, I don't want to say them out loud but we both know you get a tad more intimate than I do. Even if it's been a long time in, it makes me uncomfortable. Well not a lot, but it does a little.. It's nothing personal but I'd just rather something less.. well, active? For lack of better words.

Here I am again trying to blame you. It's my fault. I don't know why I was so insensitive. You could remind me once in a while. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like I do, deficit.

I feel like such a crappy person.
I wish I knew what drives me to act like this.
Just so I could nip it in the bud and never have to have another uncomfortable conversation.

What a dim night.

Hello, this is Tien. This blog is the remains of the unconventional cliches and angsty phrases of my teenage years. (Plus a new one every now and then)
I ♥ Phoenix, (500) days of summer, double entendres, unmade beds, autumn, Chopin, syncopated melodies, G7 chords and things that make me feel.

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