#269.
Hello boys and girls. Here is something I prepared earlier.

4:37 PM.
Y'know. I don't know what to feel. I want to feel all positive and bubbly and whatever. But that doesn't seem to be on my agenda. At freaking all.

Should I be feeling depressed? Because I know there are other people who you'd rather be hanging with than me. Even if you said I'm different. I'm unique. Isn't everybody? Those may be just your words, well, I'll never know. On the other hand, look where doubt fucking got me last time...
Should I be feeling flattered? All your words strung together to create compliments. Sure they make me smile and everything, but should I really be taking them the way I am? What if you say this kind of stuff to everyone, and I'm just taking them differently because I'm so fucking insecure? After all, you're os nice and sincere and kind and positive... Maybe, just maybe, I'm overthinking this.
Or I should be pissed off, maybe. That eventually you're going to realise what a fag I am and stop. Because I do know that I'll probably never be as 'cool' as those other people. Friday. This Friday I am probably going to bore your nuts off. Aren't you just bloody fucking excited? I am. How do you do that...

Shit. I sound like a whiny little bitch.



But after everything, after all of it; I end up feeling a sense of worry. Worry that you're paranoid. Worried that eventually this is going to crash. Worried that this is temporary, and that soon, you're most likely going to realise how much better you can do and pack up and leave me and my life. Worried. That's all I can feel right now. Most of all though, I'm worried  because I don't know when I'm going to talk to you next. Good luck for tonight.


5:48 PM
Just got a call from you. Feeling like a complete dickhead. Just quietly. Felt like I blew you off. But you're having fun and you're feeling oh so ecstatic. So I'll just leave you be. Sorry for being such a clingy little @!?#@*.


Present.
Contemplating, reminiscing, creating my own nostalgia. Wondering what the fuck is going on, where it's going, and why it won't stop, no matter how much I scream. Need to sleep. Dark circles. Not cool. Choppy sentences. Go die. I need to talk to you.

Hello, this is Tien. This blog is the remains of the unconventional cliches and angsty phrases of my teenage years. (Plus a new one every now and then)
I ♥ Phoenix, (500) days of summer, double entendres, unmade beds, autumn, Chopin, syncopated melodies, G7 chords and things that make me feel.

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